She has a baby in her belly

My best friend is pregnant -- in case you didn't know.  She is just a few weeks away from her due date and I am getting more and more anxious.  I have learned a great deal about being pregnant and baby stuff over the past 6 months -- I guess everyone knows this stuff besides me. Maybe because I have been anti-pregnancy, anti-baby for most of my life.... But anyway, after hearing some of this stuff, I'm still not positive I'm for it all!  I'm sure after the baby is born and I hear all the gory story's, my fear will even be worse!


First of all, no hot dogs?  Now that sounds like no life I want to live.  Apparently, some doctors suggest no hot dogs -- I will find one that says, eat as many hot dogs dipped in Panchos cheese dip as possible.  I can't have Busch Light and then they say you can't have hot dogs... pump your brakes.

Use olive oil on your stomach so you won't get stretch marks.  I guess I will take a bath in olive oil...

To harden your nipples for breast feeding, use a rough wash cloth, foot file, etc. and rub on them often.  This will prepare you for when the baby is born.  WHAT???  Um, no thank you!!!

When they say you are dilated so many centimeters -- that means fingers.  ***1 finger, 2 finger, -- 10?  Holy crap.

Did you know it was possible to wear blue jeans without buttoning them?  Apparently so and it happens a lot with pregnant women... just pull up maybe use a ponytail holder to keep them together.  Pretty nice trick for when my jeans are bit snug!

Your feet may grow up to two sizes when you are pregnant... does that mean I could buy new shoes?  Hmm, well that sounds like a deal, I guess?  Refer back to ***

I will end with - some pregnant people don't like their belly being rubbed, my best friend being one of them.  Since I know she doesn't like, I keep my hands on that thing all the time -- talking to my sweet little "nephew"  and how excited I am for him to be here.  So, FYI, don't just rub a pregnant ladies belly but if it is your best friend tell her to get over it and have it!  It's way more fun that way :)


Hurry up BABY (with no name) -- I'm ready for you to get here so I can hold you and stop rubbing on your Momma's belly!